


and robin shall restore amends

by doriians



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Sad Ending, how to tag help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28235598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doriians/pseuds/doriians
Summary: “Grieve?” Todd said, almost laughing. “Grieving for what? I’m not grieving, he’s- he’s right there! How are you talking about him being dead when he’s right there? He- he’s there! He’s talking to me!”“Todd, it’s fine.” Neil whispered. “It’s just a stupid prank, it’s fine.”“No! Fuck- fuck this stupid prank! How can they pretend to not see you and your stupid jacket and your stupid face? You’re - you’re right there.”
Relationships: Charlie Dalton & Knox Overstreet, Charlie Dalton/Knox Overstreet, Steven Meeks & Gerard Pitts, Todd Anderson & Steven Meeks, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	and robin shall restore amends

**Author's Note:**

> hi im sad i hope u enjoy this too !!

“Crabbed age and youth cannot live together / Youth is full of pleasance, age is full of care / Youth like summer morn, age like winter weather / Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare.”

Todd rubbed his eyes, blurred lines around him slowly sharpening. Unfortunately, the boy at the window wasted no time for Todd’s long post-waking up routine (waking up, sleeping again, waking up, sleeping again, waking up, and then getting up) and pulled him out of bed, throwing a beanie on his head.

“It’s snowing, Todd!” Neil exclaimed, glasses almost knocking off his face from how much he was jumping. ““Crabbed age and youth cannot live together / Youth is full of pleasance, age is full of care / Youth like summer morn, age like winter weather / Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare.”

Todd sighed. “ Think not we give out yet / Forth from these snowy hairs we keep up yet the lilt.”

Neil raised an eyebrow. Todd smiled slightly.

“Walt Whitman, Sounds of the Winter. I’ve been reading his poems.”

“Quoting old men is supposed to be my thing, Todd,” Neil exclaimed in mock offense, “come on, let’s go outside so we can quote more old men.”

“It’s Saturday, let me sleep.” Todd whined.

Neil smirked. “Not a chance, Anderson. You’re coming with me.”

Todd continued to groan as Neil pulled him out the door, down the hall and outside in the snow.

“Neil, I’m going to freeze to death.” Todd said.

“Oh, stop being a pussy.” Neil said. He took off his jacket and passed it to Todd. “Here. I’m wearing around five.”

“How are you not cold? You’ve been wearing that stupid blue and red jumper for a week.” Todd said, slightly muffled from pulling Neil’s jumper over his head, 

Unsurprisingly, Todd had already long lost Neil’s attention, who was running into the horizon and throwing bundles of snow in the air. Todd sighed audibly, pretending to be irritated by Neil, and ran to catch up with him. He wrapped his arms around Neil’s sweater. It smelt like his hugs, Todd thought. He made a mental note to forget to give it back to him.

“Barren winter, with his wrathful nipping cold / So cares and joys abound, as seasons fleet.” Neil shouted, running backwards to face Todd. Still sprinting, Neil bent down to get another bundle of snow, and he threw it at Todd.

“Hey!” Todd shouted, laughing and wiping the wet snow from his face, “get back here!”

“Not a chance!” Neil yelled, continuing to run. “Never let down your guard in the snow!”

Breathless, Todd sprinted after him, snowball melting in his mittens. He aimed at Neil, but missed completely.

“Try harder, Anderson.” Neil said, grinning back at Todd. 

Still smiling at him, Todd threw the other bundle of snow in his hand and hit Neil square in the face. 

“Anderson!” Neil screamed. “There’s snow in my mouth!”

“Never let down your guard in the snow,” Todd echoed with a smile spread across his face, throwing another snowball at Neil. 

“You’re going to regret stealing those words from me, Anderson.” Neil said, gathering a huge ball of snow. He threw it right at Todd, but not before Todd ducked and missed it completely. Desperately, Todd started to push snow at Neil’s feet before managing to get himself up. 

“Fuck you!” Neil yelled while throwing bundles of snow at Todd’s freezing face and shoulders. 

“You know, this is your jumper you’re getting wet.” Todd pointed out.

Neil laughed. “I don’t care about the stupid jumper. Here, you dropped your stupid beanie.”

Neil picked up the beanie and offered it to Todd, but he pushed it away.

“Save it.” Todd said, “a snowman needs some clothing.”

Neil gasped dramatically. 

“That is such a good idea. Well done, Todd,” he said, ruffling Todd’s hair.

Todd kicked my snow at Neil’s face. “Don’t think I still won’t hesitate to destroy you.”

“Of course,” Neil said with a bright grin. God, Todd was literally shivering and freezing to death, but that stupid smile still warmed him up like hot cocoa. He drew his eyes away from Neil before he noticed, picking up a pile of snow on top of Neil’s base.

“I’m going to make this look like you,” Todd said, while adding more snow.

“No, we should be making it look like you,” Neil said, “it’s your beanie after all.”

They stood in comfortable silence for a while, Todd adding the final mound, and Neil patting it down to make sure it was solid. 

“We don’t have a carrot.” Todd realised.

“We don’t need a fucking carrot, Todd,” Neil laughed. He grabbed a stone from Todd’s hand, and placed it between the snowman’s glaring grey eyes and lopsided pebble smile. “There. Cute button nose.”

“It’s a rock.”

“Let me have fun.”

“ANDERSON!”

Todd turned around to see Nolan in his large jacket and huge fluffy hat trudging in the snow.

“Sir.” Todd and Neil said simultaneously.

“Anderson, what on Earth are you doing out here in the snow all alone?”

Todd blinked in confusion. “I’m - I’m not alone.”

“Right.” Nolan said, eyeing the snowman. “Well, get you and your  _ friends _ inside right this second or I’ll make sure to punish all of you appropriately, regardless of any recent events.

“Yes, sir.” Neil and Todd said, and sprinted quickly inside.

“Geez, Nolan is being a Grinch today.” Neil said, breathless.

Todd snorted. “You mean always? When he is not being an ass?”

“ANDERSON, STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND GET INSIDE!” Nolan yelled from a distance.

“Yes, sir!” Todd called out, breathless. He stuck his tongue out at Neil, who was smirking smugly back at him. 

“Yeah, Todd, stop talking to yourself.” Neil whispered.

Todd rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, Neil Perry.”

Neil leaned his head back and did his stupid laugh, shaking his head and looking at Neil with a wide grin. Something in Todd’s heart ached. God, he loved Neil so much.

Both of them quickly walked back inside, shaking off the snow from inside. Todd stared at the carpet beneath Neil. “How did you get almost no snow on you?”

Neil smiled mischievously. “Magic.”

Charlie and Knox started to approach from the corner, dressed up in snow gear.

“Morning,” Neil greeted. “Wouldn’t recommend going out. Nolan caught us, and he was pretty generous, but I wouldn’t risk it.”

“Hey,” Knox said, nodding. “Have they already started patrolling?”

“Yeah, Nolan was just patrolling around I think.” Neil said.

Charlie and Knox stared at Todd expectantly. Todd frowned, quickly glancing at Neil. 

“Hey, Todd, you there?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah, I’m - yeah.” Todd said.

“Is anyone patrolling outside?” Knox repeated.

Todd frowned again. “Yeah, he just - yeah. Nolan’s patrolling.”

“Cool, thanks.” Knox said. “Are you okay, Todd? I mean obviously not, but-”

“What? Yeah!” Todd said, laughing slightly. “I’m - I’m fine.”

“Okay, cool.” Knox said, smiling reassuringly. “Just - if you ever want to talk, I’m always here.”

“He’s really good at listening, I promise. Nuwanda’s approval.” Charlie said.

Todd laughed again, slightly confused. “Yeah, thanks, I will.”

Knox and Charlie smiled and turned together to go back to their rooms.

“Wow, no asking me if I’m alright. I see how it is.” Neil said.

“Yeah, that was weird.” Todd replied. “Wonder what that was about.”

“Probably a stupid prank.” Neil said. “Whatever, I’m sure they’ll break and start laughing soon enough.”

“Yeah,” Todd said. “I would’ve thought Charlie’ll break sooner.”

Neil chuckled. “Maybe he’s getting better.”

“Must be,” Todd said, and turned his own way to get to his room. “I’m keeping your sweater, by the way.”

Todd pursed his lips, regretting what came out, but relaxed as soon as he heard Neil’s laugh. “Keep it all you want, Anderson weirdo, I don’t need it.”

* * *

Without looking up from the book in Meeks’ hand, Pitts and Meeks immediately acknowledged Todd and Neil’s arrival at the breakfast table. “Morning.”

Todd smiled at the mundanity. He loved Pitts and Meeks, even if he didn’t know them as well. “Morning.”

Meeks blinked and immediately looked up, cracking a sympathetic smile. “Oh! Hey, Todd. Are you good?”

Todd quickly glanced at Neil to see his reaction, but he seemed too busy eating his food to notice anything.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Todd quickly said, slightly uncomfortable. “Except, uh, Knox and Charlie were being a bit weird this morning.”

“Oh?” Pitts said. “What happened?”

“I- I don’t know,” Todd said, glancing at Neil who seemed to be more hungry than humanely possible today. “They were just ignoring Neil.”

“Oh.” Meeks said. “Well, maybe they just didn’t want to talk about it.”

“About what?” Todd said, confused.

Pitts nodded slightly, like Todd would suddenly understand, but he remained confused. “Well, Neil.”

“Well, maybe they don’t want to, God knows why, but Neil doesn’t like it, obviously, so why would they do that? Some twisted prank?” Todd said, suddenly angry. He felt Neil’s hand on his leg and began to calm down, taking some deep breaths. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. Totally understandable.” Meeks quickly responded.

“Yeah. I guess… we all have different ways of moving on.” Pitts said.

Todd frowned, and opened his mouth to ask why they would be moving on, but were interrupted by a tap on Todd’s shoulder.

“Hey. Anyone sitting here?” Cameron asked, pointing at Neil’s seat.

“Neil?” Todd said.

“Right. Of course. Sorry, I understand. I’ll-”

“Fuck off Cameron.” Pitts said.

“Guys-”

“If you think we’ve forgiven you for what you did to Mr Keating, then no, we haven’t. Go away.” Meeks said.

Cameron sighed and rolled his eyes. “We’ll talk about it when you’re ready.”

“Fuck off.” Pitts repeated, and Cameron shook his head and moved away.

“The audacity to come here.” Meeks muttered. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him for what he did.” Neil agreed, but it appeared that Meeks and Pitts had decided that would be the end of that conversation as they were avidly continuing to read their book. 

* * *

“Hey Todd, are you busy?” Knox asked.

Todd glanced at Knox and Charlie at the door, then Neil. “What does it look like?”

Knox blinked. “.. No?”

“I’m practicing lines with Neil.” Todd explained. 

“Yeah, I really want to-” Neil started.

“Oh my god, Meeks was right.” Charlie interrupted, burying his face in his arms. 

“What?” Todd asked.

“Hey, can we- can we come in?” Knox asked.

Todd nodded. “Yeah, sure. Just - close the door.”

Knox and Charlie came in awkwardly, shutting the door behind him. Knox leaned against the door and took a deep breath. 

“Todd, we need to talk.”

Todd glanced at Neil, who looked back at him with a shrug. Todd looked back to Knox and Charlie, inspecting Charlie’s red, damp eyes.

“A-alone?” Todd asked, slightly stuttering. He felt Neil’s hand on top of his, and they shared a small smile.

“Yes. Alone.” Knox said. “Now.”

“Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of Neil.” Todd said, voice feigning toughness to hide his quivering breath.

“Todd, it’s fine-” Neil started.

“No, it’s true. What do you want to say to me? You’ve- you’ve been ignoring Neil all week, and trying to talk to me, so what do you want to say to me? What did Neil do-” Todd shouted.

“He killed himself, Todd!” Charlie screamed, interrupting Todd. “Todd, he’s dead. He shot himself in the fucking head.”

“What?” Todd whispered. “Charlie, he’s - he’s right there.”

“No, he’s not!” Charlie yelled. “Todd, he is not fucking there! He- he’s nowhere! He’s buried 12 feet under the ground! He’s-”

Charlie stopped, covering his forehead and collapsed on the ground. “Todd, I- I can’t do this. You’re not the only one grieving.”

“Grieve?” Todd said, almost laughing. “Grieving for what? I’m not grieving, he’s- he’s right there! How are you talking about him being dead when he’s right there? He- he’s there! He’s talking to me!”

“Todd, it’s fine.” Neil whispered. “It’s just a stupid prank, it’s fine.”

“No! Fuck- fuck this stupid prank! How can they pretend to not see you and your stupid jacket and your stupid face? You’re - you’re right there.”

“Stop.” Charlie said, still on the ground, voice cracking. 

Knox leaned in to hug Charlie, but he shrugged him off. “Stop. I can’t- I can’t do this.”

Todd watched as Charlie left the room. Helplessly, he stared at Knox, but Knox only looked away and followed Charlie.

* * *

“Hey.”

Knox inspected the cigarette in Charlie’s hand. He looked at Knox, eyes still red. “Go away.”

Knox sighed, and sat down next to Charlie, putting his arm around his shoulder. “No, I don’t think I will.”

Charlie laughed sharply, muffled with the tears in his mouth. “No, I don’t think you will.”

He laughed again, but started crying again, leaning into Knox’s chest.

“I miss him so much.” Charlie whispered, gasping between tears.

“Me too.” Knox replied, leaning into Charlie and letting his own tears warm his freezing pink face.

“Sometimes, I think I can see him too.” Charlie said, words rushing out of his wet lips. “Him- him and his stupid red jacket too. I’m walking through the corridor and I brush a shoulder and I look and I think it’s him and-”

He started crying again, and Knox pulled him in closer. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

“And then I realise.” Charlie croaked. “He’s gone. He’s really gone.”

The pair shared a brief silence in the snow.

“Do you remember, back in second year, when we were playing hockey with those stupid wooden sticks, and Neil hit the ball so hard he broke it in half?” Knox said.

Charlie laughed. “Yeah. And then he tried to hide it, but Coach came back and he saw the wooden stick and we all had to line up and admit who did it. And no one owned up to it, not even Cameron, so we all had to be hit 10 times with the broken stick?”

“And remember when Pitts’ father was being an ass and requested for Pitts to receive no food for a week, and Neil secretly snuck all of the food on his tray to Pitts when Nolan wasn’t looking?” Knox asked.

“Yeah,” Charlie said, “and remember when I tried to see how many glasses could stack on top of each other and they all crashed down, but if I received another infringement my parents would be called, and whatever I said to stop him Neil ignored, and he took the goddamn blame anyway and he got his first caning?”

Knox laughed at the memory. “We were all so mad at you for that.”

“I don’t think Cameron talked to me for a week.” Charlie said. 

“I think no one wanted to talk to you.” Knox pointed out.

“Except Neil,” Charlie interrupted. “He actually fucking apologised to me. He’s too good.”

Charlie stopped and inhaled slowly. “Was. Was too good.”

Knox took his hand. “Is. Is too good.”

“Knox-”

“I’m serious.” Knox said, “yes, he’s gone. But he lives on in these types of memories and God knows I am never going to let myself or anyone forget about him.”

Charlie gave him a small smile. “Is. He is too good.”

Knox nodded, and they hugged again, Charlie hiding his sobs and Knox breathing in the smell of Charlie’s sweater and the memory of them in the snow. 

* * *

Todd paced around the room, circling the hardwood floor.

“Todd, stop.” Neil said. “You need to calm down.”

“No!” Todd whined, almost sobbing. “I’m so confused. What - I’m -”

“It’s fine.” Neil said soothingly. “It’s just a stupid prank. You know it is. They’re probably laughing outside right now thinking about it.”

“No, it’s just - it’s so fucked up. It’s such a fucked up prank. How could they -” Todd stopped, and collapsed on his bed, holding his face in his hands. “You’re not dead, right?”

Neil walked to sit beside Todd, wrapping his arm around him. “Of course I’m not dead. I’ll never die. I’ll always be here.”

“Good.” Todd croaked out. “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here, Neil.”

“Well, that’s never going to happen. Neil is always going to be here for you.”

Todd looked at Neil, then Meeks, who was standing at the door. Beneath his tears, he couldn’t even hear who had said it. His mind was completely going crazy now.

“Hey.” Meeks said, coming in. “You good?”

“No! I’m -” Todd started, then started sobbing into his palms again. “I’m- I’m so confused. I feel like my mind is ripped apart, all from a stupid prank.”

“Hey. It’s okay.” Meeks said, sitting beside Todd where Neil was. Todd didn’t even hear Neil sit back on his desk. “You’re fine.”

“I’m not, though. What- what’s happening? Meeks, please tell me. I- I don’t know what’s real anymore.” Todd said, closing his mouth before he could say more confusing things that he didn’t understand. He tried to shut his eyes, and think of Neil and the sweater he was wearing, and how real it was with Neil’s hand on his and the cold, blinding snow. His reminiscing was interrupted by Meeks’ palm on his shoulder.

“Honestly, Todd, I don’t know what’s happening. And I can’t say I can just pretend to know, either. This entire thing is really hard for everyone, okay?” Meeks said, and glanced at Todd’s confused face. “Which you may not understand, but that’s okay too.”

Todd nodded, leaning on Meeks who continued to rub Neil’s jumper.

Meeks paused his rhythmic breathing, and then looked at Todd. “Todd, are you going home for Christmas?”

Todd snorted, wiping his eyes. “Of course not. My parents are visiting my brother now. They’ve probably forgotten about me.”

Meeks grimaced, but then shuffled to turn and look at Todd. “How about you come to mine for the holidays? My parents are pretty okay. Maybe you can go to a therapist so you can understand everything that’s happening.”

Todd smiled slightly. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

Meeks beamed. “That’s good. I’ll tell my parents, then. I’m sure they’d love to meet you.”

Meeks began to get up and leave, but Todd cleared his throat before Meeks could make it to the door.

“Hey, um… Meeks?” Todd began.

Meeks quickly turned around. “Yeah?”

“Uh.. can Neil come too?” Todd said weakly. He felt Neil’s smile on him.

Meeks blinked, and then smiled softly. “Yeah. Yeah, of course he can come.”

Meeks continued smiling as he left and shut the door, leaving Todd alone with Neil and a lot to think about.

* * *

Todd didn’t know how he ended up here. Technically, he did know. He went with Meeks home for Christmas, and everyone ignored Neil. He and Neil took turns sleeping on the single bed and the floor mattress which Meeks gave to him, and Neil always made fun of him for how messily he slept compared to himself. Now, two days after the awkward Christmas dinner, he was sitting in a therapist’s office, feeling like he was being interrogated. He felt the uncomfortable wool of the red couch itch against his skin and trapping Neil’s woolen sweater.

The woman in glasses smiled tightly at him after Todd explained the prank to the therapist, and how out of hand it appeared to have gone, mentioning that he often got anxious around these topics. After about a minute of writing, she finally looked up, tilting her glasses slightly forward.

“Mr Anderson, it appears you are suffering from grief hallucinations. On some level, this is common after a loved one dies, but at the level you are describing it, it appears you had a strong level of attachment to Mr Perry while he was still alive.”

Todd frowned. “Miss Cupin, I-”

“It’s Mrs.” the therapist interrupted. “And I know this is a lot to take in at the moment, but Mr Anderson, what you will have to do is say goodbye to Mr Perry. Where is he?”

“I’m - well, waiting outside. You said only one person should come in.”

Mrs Cupin nodded, smile tight again. “I did. Would you like to get him?”

“Yeah, let me just grab him.” Todd said, stepping outside.

He stared at the set of chairs in front of him, but only saw Meeks.

“Meeks, where did Neil go?” Todd asked slowly.

“I’m -” Meeks blinked. “Todd, I- I don’t know.”

Todd’s face dropped. “No. No, where is he?”

Todd started hyperventilating, sinking into one of the chairs.

“Hey, hey.” Meeks said, moving next to Todd. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“No, no, no, no, no.” Todd said, shaking and crying. “Where- where is he? Where did he go?”

“It’s okay.” Meeks said softly, rubbing Todd’s back.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Todd yelled, gasping between breaths. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

“That’s okay.” Meeks said. “None of us did.”

“No!” Todd screamed, rocking back and forth. “Where’s Neil? I need to find Neil. I need- I need to. I need to say goodbye. I’m wearing his sweater, I need to - I have to return his sweater. I promised that I will. I promised that I wouldn’t but I need to- I need to return it. And- and his jacket and his pillow. I’ve been sleeping with his pillow, I need to return it. Meeks, where is he? Where- where am I? I can’t do this without him, Meeks.”

Tobb sobbed loudly, his face ugly and disfigured with red cheeks and fat drops dripping down his face, the salty taste of tears tingling on his dry lips, phlegm and saliva flying everywhere. Meeks continued to hug him.

“Come on, Todd. I’ll take you to him. I’ll bring you to Neil.”

* * *

“This is where we buried Neil.”

Todd stared at the gravestone. 

“Did we have a funeral for him?”

Meeks nodded. “Yes.”

Todd took a deep breath. His tears had almost dried on the way to the cemetery, but he could still feel the sticky feeling of dried saltwater on his face. He couldn't decide if his heart was beating so fast he couldn’t feel it, or whether it had stopped beating completely. 

“I don’t remember the funeral.” Todd admitted slowly.

Meeks shook his head. “You wouldn’t have. You didn’t come.”

Todd blinked. “What?”

Meeks nodded. “You locked yourself in your room for a week after it happened. We all came in to bring you food and made sure that you ate it, but either than that, you didn’t talk at all. I think you talked to Charlie, but I don’t think he wanted to talk about it.”

“I don’t remember this at all.”

Meeks shrugged. “And then you slept for two days. The next thing we knew, you were up and playing in the snow.”

“With Neil.” Todd added, before he could help it.

“Yeah.” Meeks said.

Todd stared at the gravestone.

_ Neil Perry _

_ 29 June 1942 - 15 December 1959 _

_ “So, good night unto you all. / Give me your hands, if we be friends, / And Robin shall restore amends.” _

“Who chose the quote?” Todd asked numbly.

Meeks laughed slightly. “You did.”

Todd blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, you were very adamant about it too. That the last lines he said on stage was what he would be remembered for on here. No one argued, not even Mr Perry. Surprisingly. The bastard has some emotions after all.” 

Todd chuckled. “It’s just- I don’t remember this at all.”

Meeks smiled. “Yeah. It was a weird time for all of us.”

They stared at the gravestone and Meeks’ fresh $5 flowers for a while. 

“I can - if you want - leave you. With Neil for a while. A bit.” Meeks said.

Todd smiled at Meeks - the first real one for a while. “Yeah, thanks. And- thanks. For all of this. You didn’t need to do it.”

“Well, I did kind of.” Meeks said. “I’m the only one in the gang without fucked up parents.”

Todd laughed. “Yeah. I mean it, though. Thanks.”

Meeks smiled back at him. “It’s no problem, Anderson.”

Todd watched as Meeks walked back to the car, and then looked back at the gravestone. He bent down to look at the words closely, and felt the writing on the cold stone.

“Goodbye, Neil.” Todd whispered.

“Not just yet.”

Todd stood up quickly and spun around him to see Neil standing there again, in his stupid red and blue jacket. Todd shut his eyes.

“You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real.” he said, wishing for him to go.

“Yeah, I know I’m not.” Neil laughed, hollowly. “Sorry.”

“You- you knew? And you didn’t say anything?” Todd said, opening his eyes and chest and forehead aching.

“Yeah, I knew I was dead.” Neil said, looking down and playing with the dirt and grass beneath his feet. “I’m sorry, for all this. What I did to you. I’m just - I was selfish. I wanted to keep holding on through you.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Todd said, blinking back familiar tears. “I wanted you to keep holding on. I’m - I was stupid.”

“Todd Anderson.” Neil said sternly. “You are not stupid. Not now. Not ever. And I mean it.”

Neil stepped closer and held Todd’s hand. He felt something cold and metallic in his palm. Breaking away from Neil’s eyes, he took his hand out of Neil’s and looked at the chain.

“It’s a locket, with me in it.” Neil said softly. “It was supposed to be your Christmas present.”

Todd cracked it open, and saw a smiling picture of Neil.

“Oh.” Todd said, trying to hold back a breakdown.

“Here, let me put it on for you.” Neil said, taking the locket from Todd’s hands. He opened it and put it around Todd’s neck, clipping the two ends of the necklace together.

“Merry Christmas.” Neil said softly. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” Todd said, sobbing. “Please don’t go.”

“No, Todd, I have to. I have to go.” Neil said. “Before, I was selfish and stupid but I have to go. You need to move on.”

“How can I ever move on from you?” Todd croaked, wiping away his tears.

“I don’t know,” Neil admitted. “But you have to. You - you need to find someone and love them because- and- and I’m sorry, I really can’t be here, I- I need to go, Todd.”

Neil began to walk away, and Todd watched him, seeing his invisible footprints in the mud ground.

“Neil- wait!” Todd yelled, and ran to grab his hand. “Please, let me say goodbye.”

Todd stumbled as he ran, but felt Neil’s hand bring him up. Soon, they were closer than they ever were in the world of the living, and Todd felt his forehead lean against Neil’s.

“Goodbye, Todd Anderson.” Neil said, softly. Todd squeezed his eyes before inspecting Neil’s every freckle, every eyelash, every speck of colour in his eyes.

Before he could think clearly, Todd crushed his lips against Neil’s, and it was everything he ever dreamed of and more. He felt Neil’s soft mouth and cheeks, and Neil’s fingers intertwined in his hair, and if he could just shut his eyes and forget the world, it was perfect.

But he had to let go. Soon, he opened his eyes and he saw Neil again. Todd looked at him and tried to memorise every detail, but he could already see his legs turning to dust.

“I love you, Neil Perry.” Todd said, words rushing out of his lips.

Neil blinked, his tears falling to the ground and mouth split in a wide smile. “I love you the most, Todd Anderson.”

Todd blinked and Neil was gone, with no sign that he was ever there. Even the cold tears that had dropped to the ground had melted into the rest of the ground and become part of the mud. Todd wiped his eyes and walked back to the car, where Meeks was standing and waiting.

“Ready to go, Todd?” Meeks asked softly.

“Yeah, I think so.” Todd said. “I’m good.”

“Great.” Meeks said, grinning widely. “Nice necklace, by the way. Where’d you find it?”

Todd frowned in confusion and looked down at his chest, where Neil’s locket still lay. He grabbed it and felt it in his hands. It had gone warm now because of his body heat, but it was solid and most definitely real. He opened it, and there it still was - Neil, laughing and smiling, captured in time in a perfect photograph. He looked up at Meeks, still waiting for his answer.

“Found it in my jacket and forgot about it.” Todd said. 

Meeks smiled. “It’s nice. You should keep it.”

Todd nodded, clasping the locket in his fist. “I will.”

And then he jumped in the car, and drove away, staring at the cemetery behind him. Maybe Robin did restore amends after all.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yeah, so i think i tried to show everyone grieving? in my mind charlie and neil were like.. childhood friends so after todd he was hit the hardest. this grieving thing may become a series so yeah maybe you'll see more grieving charlie and grieving todd
> 
> anyway follow @sendnuwandas for more sad stuff and also happier stuff probably


End file.
